dead or alive?
by loekie
Summary: well... the title kinda speaks for it self and if I say anything it will ruin the story... so you'll just have to read lol
1. Chapter 1

Here is another one of my fics… you kinda have to forget everything hat happened on Angel… if you know what I mean…. I hope you all will like it….!

LA… night…. A shadow strolls through the darkness….the camera moves up and we see the familiar face of or 'fearless' leader Angel. He turns a corner and sees a man coming in his direction. Angel narrows his eyes and gets out a stake sensing trouble. The man comes closer and we can see blood on his mouth. As he walks past Angel he gets grabbed by the collar and thrown against wall. Before the men realises what happens he finds himself with a stake through the heart. Angel sighs turns to walk away again "moron" he muttered under his breath. He then walks into a cemetery getting ready for whatever was gonna come. He had hardly done anything else after leaving Sunnydale and coming here. Losing Tina to that Russel guy had made him even more determent…. He was not about to have that happen again.

Cut to a normal LA house into a bedroom. A 13 year old girl is laying in bed but is very much awake. She looks around scared then lies back down and pulls the covers over her head and sighs and peeks out from under the covers to…. Empty space… she shivers and dives under the covers again.

A few years later. LA night. Angel is standing at the beach deep in thought. Things sure had changed since he came here. He had fought the evil he had saved the souls…. He sighed… it would never stop…. He knew that much. Sometimes it just felt like he was in a rot… he shook his head a little looking at the horizon… wishing he could just rest in peace sometime…

Cut to another part of the beach the now 16 year old girl we saw earlier is standing, lost in thought. She loved the beach. The sound of the waves blocked out some of the screaming and she was usually alone…. Not tonight though. As she looked around she saw a brunette man standing nearby oblivious to anything around him. She shrugged. She was helping people enough during the day… now she was off… she reached in her pocket and got out a small package of white powder looked around to see if anyone might be watching and then opened it and sniffs a little of it. (oke on this part I'm not sure… can you just sniff coke from your hand? If so then is if not then she does it however you do sniff it). She closes her eyes for a second letting that rush come over her washing away the pain in her tired tiny body. She just hoped she had enough to get trough the night…. She would ask Marc for more tomorrow… it always worked like that… se would show him a good time and then he would supply her. She sighed…. What the hell was wrong with her? She should have been used to t all by now… in the end she had never known better. Still she never seemed to…. It was just…. She sighed again not wanting to think about it. She then looked around one last time and turned "just shut up!" she muttered under her breath as she walked of the beach and went on her way home.

Angel looked up a bit startle by the sound of someone's footsteps. He hadn't noticed anyone with him on the beach…. He then narrowed his eyes at the disappearing figure noticing it was a young girl. "what could she be doing here this late?" he said softy to himself as he himself decides it's time to leave and walks away. And is greeted by Cordy on his way in the hyperion. "hey there big guy" she says cheery. Angel looks at the young woman frowns a little and then smiles "hey Cordy something new?" The brunette shrugs "nope boss… no yet… but you know how it is… "that I do" he answered… it could change any minute now… and he was gonna be ready… again…. He then goes into his office and gets a book to catch up on his reading a little…. Somehow he couldn't get that girl out of his mind…. Somehow he knew she needed help… or that she might possibly be able to help him in the process…. He sighed and then put his attention on his book….

Cut to the same LA house we were in three years ago…. Again in the same bedroom.. although newly furnished…. The girl is sitting at her desk behind a school book and is writing frantically. She was way ahead in all her classes due to this late night study sessions she had practically every night out of sheer desperation of not being able to sleep…. She then closed the book and listen carefully if she heard any one of her parents…. Nope… they were fast asleep now…. She then took out the little package again and sniffs some of the powder before getting into bed and pulling the covers over her head again… fearing another sleepless night….


	2. Chapter 2

Cut the girls bedroom….

We see her sleeping. Suddenly she stirs, moans and opens her eyes. She lifts her head up a little and looks around the room "you don't have to shout I 'm not deaf you know?". She sighs before her head suddenly moves to the side as if slapped.

Cut to the girl talking to well… no one….

The next morning a woman comes into the room and opens the curtains. "morning jes…. Time to get up" she sais playfully slapping her daughters arm…. "come on get dressed… breakfast is ready". Jessica startles awake and sit up immediately, then realizing it was her mom calms down and smiles at her mother "I'll be right down". Her mother disappears again and Jessica sighs gets out of bed and picks up a few cloths and goes into her bathroom. When she takes of her pyjamas there are a lot of scars, fresh cuts and bruises visible. She looks at herself in the mirror and makes a face. A bony thin and pale face with long thick black hair stared back. She smirked and took the now well known package and sniffed some…. She then got ready for the day….

Cut to Jessica in school…. As soon as she arrives she is surrounded by others teenagers. She smiled… knowing why…. They hoped for some advice on their problems as they usually very subtle let know…. She didn't really mind. She like helping them. After talking to them for a while she spotted Marc, excused herself and went over to him. "hey Marc" she said leaning in for a kiss. Marc smiled at the tired lookig yet pretty girl and kissed her "hi Jes, what's up?". Jessica shrugs "not much" and as she lent into him whispered in his ear "wanna get together later?". He looks ather and smiles a little knowing what she is after "sure honey" he whispered back not really wanting to give her more because he knew what that stuff did and well… he kinda liked her. He sighed… something was wrong with her…. He just wished she would tell him. The bell rang and everybody went to go inside and class.

Cut to the hyperion. Angel walks into his room and lies down on his bed letting the daily fights cross his mind… what was he to do? Why was everything so complicated…. He sighed and closed his eyes and fell asleep.

During this scene I'm gonna use the lyrics from within temptations somewhere

At night Jessica is standing at the beach again hoping it would end. She sighed. Why? why did this have to happen? She just felt so lost sometimes… so desperate…. Desperate for someone … someone to help her? She sighed again. She didn't even kow….

_Lost in the darkness, hoping for a sign _

_instead there is only silence can't you hear my creams?_

_Never stop hoping until you know where you are_

_But on thing's for sure you're always in my heart_

_I'll find you somewhere  
I'll keep on trying  
Until my dying day  
I just need to know  
Whatever has happened?  
The truth will free my soul_

Angel walks the beach. It had been a long night and a lot of fights. There he saw that girl again and he walked up to her. "hey" he greeted her. She turned startled and saw the brunette from last night she smiled "hey… what's up?". "nothing" came the reply

_Lost in the darkness tried to find your way home  
I want to embrace you and never let you go  
Almost hope you're in heaven so no one can hurt your soul  
Living in agony cause I just did not know  
Where you were_

_I'll find you somewhere  
I'll keep on trying  
Until my dying day  
I just need to know  
Whatever has happened?  
The truth will free my soul_

"just saying hi… you were here last night too right?" "yep" Jessica answered "why?" "no reason" as he gave her hand "Angel". She looked at him for a minute smiled ant took his hand. "Jessica". They smiled at each other.

_Wherever you are I won't stop searching  
Whatever it takes me to go_

_I'll find you somewhere  
I'll keep on trying  
Until my dying day  
I just need to know  
Whatever has happened?  
The truth will free my soul_

"what brings you down here?" Jessica asked the strange man. Angel looks at the young girl "just thinking… it's really nice here" "isn't it?" she answers looking to the horizon dreamingly then looking back at the guy and Angel smiles back "you alright?" he asked knowing the answer and the truth. "sure… you?". Angel looks at her not buying it "aha well… I'm good" he says now it's Jessicas turn to look at the man and raising an eyebrow…. Angel stares ahead and then laughs a little "really…. It'll be alright". She then smiles too… "got to huh?" "yeah kinda" he says staring ahead again and now so is Jessica.  
Cut to them standing there…


	3. Chapter 3

Jessica was in bed trying to sleep but again it wasn't really working. She turned and tossed thinking about that man from before. She then sighed, got up out of bed and got something from her bag and sniffed it. She then went to go sit behind her desk and began to do some schoolwork covering her ears as she tried to read. Then, after a while threw up her hands in surrender "what is it you want? I'm not the one you're looking for…. Just leave me alone!" she shouted. She then got thrown against a wall. She crawled away and cowered in a corner.  
The camera moves up and we see the room from Jessica's point of view. There is a man crouching down in front of her. If you look close enough you can see he has a nasty head wound He stroked her hair and well I think we all get what's going to happen.  
So does Jessica. Knowing it won't be of any use she sighed gave in and puts her hands around his neck. Then man now smiled "I love you Renee" he whispered. "I love you too" she replied She knew what this guy needed and she figured it would be alright. He probably thought she was his wife or girlfriend or something and so it would probably hurt less then normal. The man embraced her now too and kissed her. She sighed softly, smiled and kissed back.  
Cut to them well… getting down to business…  
After that the man had left telling her once again he loved her… she had smiled, told him she loved him too and then he was gone. She stood up shook her head and cleaned herself up. And went to go sit behind the desk again.

Angel had gotten home and had retrieved in his office once more. Cordy looks at this and shakes her head. Would he ever learn? Moping in the dark never helped with whatever problem you had, it only added to it… but then again she figured with a sigh that was maybe what he was after… some redemption thingy…. She would worry about that in the morning…. It was really time for her to go home…. It had been a busy day and she was tired.  
Angel sat in his office trying to get some more info on a haresh demon. He heard some were coming to town to party and well…. He would be the welcoming comity. He heard a door close and looked at the clock on the wall… probably Cordy leaving…. He then got up and walked down to a little training room he had put together. Nothing fancy but it was all he needed.

Jessica had spent the entire night doing homework and studying for tests. She glanced at the alarm clock and found it was almost time to get up. She sighed…. This was just great…. She shook her head, how was she to get through the day? She got up and went to go get ready for the day ahead. Her mum walked in "honey…? Ooh you're awake? Good" she said. Jessica produced a smile "yep I'm up…all by myself isn't that neat?". Her mother frowned then smiled back "it sure is, so you gonna come downstairs in a minute then?". "Sure mum will do" as she disappeared in the bathroom and went on with her morning routine. Then when she comes downstairs is greeted by her parents already sitting at the table "mornings" were exchanged and she grabbed a piece of bread and started eating. She wasn't hungry but knew her mother wouldn't let her go without having some breakfast. After finishing her bread she got up, got her bag and kissed her parents goodbye before leaving the house to go to school leaving her parents at the table. Her father (John) looks at her mother (Hannah) worriedly "everything alright?". She sighed "what do you think? Something's wrong you know that as well as I do…". He huged her "I do… I do but what?". She put her hands on his arm "how should I know? It's not like she talks to me.". He kissed her on the head "she will…. She knows we are there for her if she needs us.". She now smiled a little "I guess I just wish I knew what was going on". "Me too sweetheart, me too". Her mother smiled again "well I got to go get to work see you tonight?". He kisses her on the mouth now "see you tonight.". She kissed him back and then walked towards the door grabbing the stuffs she needed on the way. John then got up and cleaned up the table before leaving to work himself.

Cut to Jessica arriving in school.  
A girl walks up to her "hey Jes… wait up" she calls. Jessica turned and smiled as she noticed Diane "hey what's up?" she returned the greeting. Diane smiled "nothing much… just a date tonight with Tommy…". Jessica smiled and shook her head "finally asked him huh?". The other girl grinned widely "yep" she then hugs Jes who has to bite her lip as to not let out a scream because of some wound Diane accidentally pressed "thank you" she added letting go. Jessica now grinned "your welcome soo… what you guys gonna do?". Diane shrugged "what do I care? We're going on a date…". Jessica smiled and hugged her friend "good for you". They entered the school and walked to their classes. A few minutes later the teacher walked in and started the first period of the day. Jessica sighed… it would be a long day. After the lesson she went in to toilet and took another bag out of her pocket and sniffed some she then flushed the toilet and walked towards the sinks and washed her hands. As she looked in the mirror she saw a few people hanging from the high ceiling…. She turned her head not wanting to see but it was too hard to avoid. She swallowed, shook her head trying to get the image out of her mind once again wondering why she had to have this….

Cut to Jessica and Marc after school. Marc smiled and kissed her "hey…. How was your day?". Jessica kissed him back and shrugged "same old, same old…". Marc smiled "boring huh?". Jessica sighed inwardly…. If only he would know… she thought. She smiled "yep, yours then?". Marc shrugged "also boring… just school". They kissed again and Marc pulled back a little "you need more already?". Jessica looked up at him "well… kinda…". Marc sighed "what's wrong with you? This stuff will kill you.". Jessica dropped her eyelids not really knowing what to say. She sighed. She didn't care, this made it easier and if death was the price to pay then so be it…. Besides death would be her only way out… she knew that. It would only get worse. She looked up at the boy next to her and kissed him again "I… I just… I need it…". Marc put his arm around the frail shoulders "but why?" he asked knowing there was something but she would never tell him. Jessica shrugged lent her head against the muscular shoulders of her boyfriend "I just do" she simply stated. He shook his head "damned Jessica just tell me…. I know there is something… something you're not telling me and I think I've earned the right to know". She sighed knowing he was right. He had always been there for her, helping her out but she couldn't tell him… hell he probably wouldn't even believe her and just think she was this crazy girl in need for attention. He looked at her with that piecing deep blue eyes of his and she just didn't know what to do. She had never tried to tell anyone. She closed her eyes for a moment. In that second of unawareness she felt herself being dragged away and when she opened her eyes again she saw an angry looking man. He grabbed her by the shoulders and yanked her out of Marcs grip.  
Cut to her being beaten and Marc, who had jumped up and rushed towards her on the ground standing around helplessly not knowing what was going on or what to do….


End file.
